The show was amazing again. The place was packed there was no getting to the barricade
to see any of the cast because a lot of people that didn't even see the show were crowded
around the barricade before the show was even close to being over which makes it unfair for the
ones that paid to see it (people did it the other night too)It's so aggravating and again I didn't
get to see the encore because this time I had a an aisle seat which would have been better to
see the encore but Michael Mayer went down the aisle and just as the encore was starting & just
stood there blocking my view. This was my second night to see the show and the second time I
was unable to see the encore because wheelchair seating sucks because they stick
wheelchairs on very back row (it's so unfair) and from way back there if anyone stands up in front
of me it blocks my view of the stage. Actually wheelchairs suck in general. In 2 months I will be
able to get rid of this damn chair & get my right leg traded in for a prosthetic one and then I will be
able to walk again. It's a long process but so very worth it to be able to walk again. Isn't that weird
I have to loose a piece of myself to gain a piece of myself back more normal life?
Now back to the show. I cried more tonight than last night. The part that is the hardest for me to watch is the part
where the nurse has to sponge bath him. I guess the reason it made me cry so badly is that I still have to go through
that. It is so humiliating to be a grown ass woman and not be bath my own self without help. It's very hard to keep
your dignity intact when you can't do the most basic things for yourself. I realize something tonight that I didn't
realize the 1st night I watched it. I realized I didn't just identify with the Soldier I could see me in all three of them.
The Soldier part is obvious (me being a medic in the Army & now just a disabled Afghanistan war veteran) I Identify
with the drug addicted character. Except I am not addicted to illegal drugs. The military doctors have had me on
so much pain medication since my injury that I am almost immune to it's effects but still cannot live without it.
Also the character that sit on the couch stayed home watching life pass him by and people come and go out of his
life and he can't get himself out of the situation that he is in. I Identify with him because that's how my life feels now.
I sit at home as the whole world passes me by. Even a trip like this takes a toll on my body. I have to head back a day
early because my leg is retaining so much fluid from sitting in the wheelchair so much and not laying down and keeping
my leg up & not putting so much pressure on my back. But my love for Green Day was worth the risk. I am so glad I
came because American Idiot is so amazing.It adds another demention to the already masterpiece American Idiot album
that you couldn't imagine. You would have to actually see it to know what I mean.
What I was hoping for didn't happened tonight like I'd hoped. The hug I have waited to get from Billie. It's nothing
even like the girls that want to kiss him and do more. The hug I want to give him is out of admiration & respect & to thank
him from the bottom of my heart. Because with out his words in Green Day's music I really don't think I would have pulled
through both physically & mentally from the injuries I had sustained during my 3rd deployment. I remember when I woke
up in Germany in the military hospital they asked me if there was anything they could get me to make it more comfortable
I said, "yes can get me Green Day music." I said,"get me a cd mp3 or something please" The nurse said to me after that
she was referring to something for the pain & I said "yes,so am I." After saying that I got so much Green Day music & other stuff
from the staff during my stay. One day the one of the staff at the hospital said to me that it was the weirdest request they have ever received
from a patient just waking from a coma. The she asked me what is was that made me ask for that. I told her every since I 1st
heard Green Day & seeing them live for the 1st time back in 1991 that when ever I needed help I turned to Green Day. Their lyrics/music
has always helped me no matter how I may be feeling. They have songs that make me laugh when I all I feel like doing is crying.
They have songs that help me vent my frustrations when I feel like I am going to loose it. They have songs that give inner peace
when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. So I owe a lot to Green Day their music helped me hold it together when
everything was so out of control. Actually it is still doing that very same thing for me still. I get to see the show for the last time on Sun.
night so I really hope that I am able to meet Billie just long enough to hug him & thank him for all he has helped me through in my
life. Especially these past few years they have helped me in such a profound way with their music. Though I am no longer at war
overseas I fight a new war here at home. It's a war I am fighting with my own body & Green Day's music is helping me fight and
not give up. This is a war I will win or die trying. Even if my hope/wish doesn't happen when I see the AI show for the last time
tonight at the Sunday night showing I will still hope that one day I will be able to get that hug and say thank you. It would mean
the world to me to be able to do that someday. OMG..sorry...I can't believe I wrote so much. Once I started writing it all just
came flooding out. I love my GDC family because you all read what I have to say and are so encouraging and loving
Cross your fingers for me that tonight everyone that some way some how my wish will come true at tonight's show before
I have to go home Mon. morning. I have to cut my trip short, was going to stay till Tue. but being on this trip with no help has
almost pushed my body to it's limits. Wish me luck tonight, cause I'm sure it will be a long while before I am in close proximity
to Billie Joe again. Even if it doesn't happen I am so glad I came and saw the show. If you haven't seen this show yet you should
find somehow to do it because you are missing out on something that is truly amazing. I flew from Texas all alone & I'm in a
wheelchair so if I can manage I am sure a lot of you could too. I promise you will not be disappointed. Wish me luck and I'll
shut up now with my wall of text....lol